A Little Giggle About Sex

Long time, no see. Yes, this post will be dealing with maturity, immaturity and is spawned by the new Fifty Shades of Grey trailer that was released recently. If you haven't seen the trailer, you can watch it here. 

So in light of all the sharing on Facebook of the trailer and all of my friends blowing up my news feed with their own thoughts and opinions on this new movie, I wanted to come to my own forum and talk about this.

Now, I read Fifty Shades of Grey, clever title, written in first person present, good..... plot? 

Let me start this way, and forgive my rambling on the subject, but this is a subject I am passionate about. Reading. There are so many different ways to read nowadays. You can read on a Nook or a Kindle. You can read paperback, hard cover, trade-back, and e-books on your computer. You can listen to audio-books through many different sites. You can read magazines, newspapers, both in electronic form and physical form. Blogs, online newspapers, and even comic strips are a form of reading. (Okay, so comics kind of break my rule because they have pictures, but maybe, just maybe, reading a bunch of comic books is still better than sitting in front of the TV for hours, or playing video games for hours? Just maybe. And if you want to know my stance on video games, click here.)

There are so many different ways that people can read, and yet, there is definitely still a separation within the bibliophile world. In my opinion, reading is reading. If you are actively exercising your brain by absorbing information, expanding your vocabulary, and creating images in your brain for the purposes of creating something that is not splayed out in front of you, it is constructive, vital and worthy. It is reading. We don't belittle children for reading their books filled with pictures and small words and bright colors. Why belittle me for reading romance books with their silly titles (I mean come on, "The Billionaire's baby"? It's silly. I know someone worked very hard on it, but when it comes down to it, whether you are reading a book called Narcissus in Chains, Wicked Nights or The Billionaire's Baby, most romance novels/erotic novels/historical romance/paranormal romance/fantasy romance/any other type of romance you can read has a title that draws a reader who wants to read about sex in. So, in my opinion, they are a little silly.) when I am still READING? Yes, maybe your book has a title like "Quantum Mechanics Throughout the Universe as Explained by a Quantum Physicist", but I am still reading. I am absorbing information quite rapidly through my eyes and processing it at an extraordinary rate through my brain in order to make a mental image so clear, it could be a movie. I don't look down on you with your big books and fancy works and complex plots with deep moral though-provoking insights. I think that as readers, you with your big book, and me with my small, silly book, are equals. 

I don't ever remember a rule in school that said I had to read books that put me to sleep. I don't recall a teacher ever chastising me for reading. Do you know what was chastised in my school? Texting, iPods, cell phone usage, GameBoys, PSPs. Those where the things that helped distract students from learning. Not my little book. 

And in the reading world, there are still those who think that their complex books trump my simple books, and that then makes them smarter than me. Maybe. It could be reasoned that if you are reading a book on Einstein's theory of relativity and how it interacts with string theory, that you might be more intelligent than I am. Or, it could be that I already know about that subject, and I've decided to do some light reading on the side. And in your eyes, anyone who reads the type of book that I currently am, couldn't possibly me interested in anything other than being a huge brain. But, you don't know. Why judge then? 

I will tell you that reading about extraordinarily attractive men with rippling muscles and amazing smiles is sure a lot more fun than physics. But that is just my opinion. 

See, the funny things about opinions is that the are unique to every individual. Now, it could be that multiple individuals share a common opinion, and that becomes a shared interest. But just because you like sitting in the Barnes and Noble Cafe, drinking Americanos, and talking loudly about how existentialist and amoral your current author is, while I sit in the children's area of the Barnes and noble, drinking my cream topped Double Chip frappacino (which I will have to pay for on the treadmill later), fervently whispering to my closest friend about muscles and giggling over erotic scenes, while my two year old runs around like I fed her a full carton of Chunky Monkey before we came to the store, doesn't mean we are unequal. It doesn't mean that one of us trumps the other.  It means that we are similar in one facet: reading. A love of books. It unites us. 

Now, I guess the reason I went into all of that was because I wanted you to know that I am able to judge a book. Another misconception about lovers (har har) of romance novels is that we will read and love anything because our books have no semblance of a plot, so we have nothing to judge. It's just a book about sex with small words and big hunks. Which isn't true. I have read Jane Eyre, and been captivated by the strength of Mr. Rochester. I have read The Things They Carried and mourned for Kiowa who died in the mud. I have read Animal Farm and 1984 more times than I care to count, and I know every depiction of imagery with those damn pigs you can toss my way. I have read the original Dracula and was so scared I had to sleep with the light on for a week, and I have read Frankenstein and wept at the inherent corruption that the creature suffered under the harsh reality of the world. I have a decent vocabulary and I can talk about every part of literature you could throw at me. 

And as a side note, romance novels might have some of the best vocabulary in all of writing. Why? Because these books are full to the brim of one thing: sex. And there is only so many times you can call breasts, "breasts" before the reader gets really bored, really quickly. Romance authors have to stay on their toes. They can't slack off and write the same intimate scene over and over again. They need variety and the best way to give a reader variety is for the author to expand the vocabulary of the novel. There are so many words that I learned from romance novels because of this very fact. Yes, there will always be that line "velvet over steel" in pretty much every romance novel, even I make fun of this fact, but in all seriousness, romance authors must compete with so many amazing authors that they have one of the hardest jobs in the industry. Sex always sells, this is a fact, but novels centered around sex don't always sell because of that fact. We won't just read anything within the genre. We like plots, and plot twists. We like crying and laughing out loud and relating to the characters. We love watching these people and places come to life in our brains as much as you do. 

In short, I know what I'm talking about when I say that I couldn't find a good plot about in this book. It was about interpersonal struggle and a relationship, yes. But some of the most boring romance novels I have ever read centered around a relationship that has almost no... complications. It was quite boring to me, because I have read books with better plots and better characters, even better sex. 

I honestly don't think this book should have rose to the notoriety that it did, but that being said, I know why it did. 

It appealed to the house wife, the college girl, the single woman, the nerd, the introvert, and the shy girl. There have been other books out there that have also have S*M play in them, this is not the first, and by no means do I think that Ms. James is a bad author, I simply believe that this book appealed to a mass audience of women by appealing to the insecurities in all women. She believes she is frumpy and she is shy and she isn't adventurous. Until she meets the right man. Isn't that the desire of all of the women I mentioned above? To meet a man who sweeps you off your feet, changes your life in ways you couldn't imagine, and rocks your world in the bedroom? I think so. So, the book had that going for it. It also had a very handsome leading man. I won't deny Christian Grey that, he sure had his looks going for him. But I think the main reason this book reached out to such a vast majority of women was the LIGHT S&M that was explored in the novel. Again, there have been other novels that feature S&M. Anne Rice wrote three VERY intense books in her Sleeping Beauty trilogy, and Elizabeth Amber delved into the world of S&M a little in her novel Nicholas. But those novels are "extreme" and are considered erotica, not romance. Man women don't know how to approach the subject of sadomachochism without feeling like sexual deviants, or even worse, freaks. 

A large part of that is how morally based our society is and another part of that is the lack of reliable material out there to help women explore this facet of sexuality. Some women aren't comfortable with novelty shops and pornography, which is to be expected. It has just been within the past two or three years (five at the most) that these stores are starting to market to women. Most of the time, especially in low population areas, the stores are catered towards men, with women feeling out of place or even subjected to men while shopping, but more recently, large chains have stepped up their game to offer a safe, clean, and welcoming environment for women to shop in and even ask questions about the material they are perusing. 

But enough about our society and such. 

I think that this book is a perfect example of how a series can take off because of right place, right time, right content. Books of this sort have been out for years, but only in secret, wrapped in book covers and secreted away after husbands and boyfriends have gone to sleep. But this book was in book clubs and on TV and in the magazines. Housewives, moms, sisters, aunts, cousins, neighbors and even grandmas were reading this book and talking about it in groups, on public forums, and even to their significant others. And because of this, men started reading it, to get into the mind of their partners. And as the popularity of the book increased, the press it got increased too, and with that press more readers, and more advertising. It is very rare that a book gets a commercial that is aired on TV or on the internet. But not with this novel. 

Women and men (who longed to find out Christian's secret to sexual success) clamored for this book, making it one of the best selling books of the year. The thought of putting yourself in Anastasia's position, was compelling and a LITTLE risque. It skirted that boundary between being a well kept secret and just another romance novel. In that respect Ms. James is a highly accomplished author. Ms. James made the world talk about being tied up on morning news and over the first cup of coffee. She brought to light the overwhelming need women have for this sort of sexual experience. It brought other forms of sexual experience into the light of day, and while it is a pity that it was THIS book that did that, ( again, I didn't find the book particularly interesting, not because the sex was bad, but because of the awkward writing and the lack of a solid plot) it still accomplished a great feat. And for that, E.L. James is one of the most accomplished authors of our generation. 

Now the movie, I think I will laugh through. Because, from the trailer, they tried to make this movie much more intense than it is. And I'm wondering how many people will actually go and see this movie. If they make it an NC-17 rated movie, and thus stay true to the novel, I don't think that many people (even couples) will want to watch it. How many NC-17 rated movies have made a splash at the box office? Not many. Why? Because even though these people have read the book, and maybe even talked about it with friends and neighbors, they still aren't ready to pass that line between erotic material that they have read, and the high budget equivocation to pornography. They are still embarrassed is what I'm trying to say. You still have to walk into a theater that has lights in it and sit in a row of seats, only a few seats away from little Jimmy's music teacher and her hot boyfriend, and pretend that you are comfortable watching a couple interact sexually. What will your husband do at the end of the movie when the lights turn on? You better pack an extra bottle of ice cold Aquafina to help him out. \

And at the same time, if you make the movie rated R, you have to embellish a lot in order to fill the gaps that would be explicit sex. It will most likely show breasts, and intercourse, but no more than Eyes Wide Shut. And it looks like the film will be a lot like Eyes Wide Shut. A lot of odd :action" sequences, which are really just simple interpersonal interactions blown out of proportion, intermingled with sex scenes in which me see Christian Grey;s butt and Anastasia's breasts tot he point that they become boring. Also, a lot of gasping. And that weird thing that movies and TV shows do now where the man grabs and smooshes the woman's face.... I don't understand that. A lot of close faced heavy breathing too. 

That being said, maybe I'm wrong, and maybe the box offices will be full on Valentine's Day of next year. Maybe couples will flow into the theaters with secret smiles and titillating laughs. I guess we will have to see. 

For now, maybe communicate with your partner, instead of making your poor husband spend his lunch breaks in his car, reading Fifty Shades of Grey, in secret, so his friends, whom are doing the exact same thing, won't make fun of him. That's just my opinion though. You can form your own. 

Video Games, Moderation, and the Impact of Attentiveness on Children

Hey guys, 

I wanted to take a few minutes to talk about an issue that is very dear to my heart. Video games. 

Now if you follow any of my social media sites, you will know that I love posting, talking, and taking pictures about food. The one word I ALWAYS use whenever I post a picture of food, or a recipe, is MODERATION. I am one of those people that truly believe in all things in moderation. Having too much of any good thing is a bad thing. And I believe that this applies to video games (and most everything)as well. Hell, at my age, even reading should be done in moderation. 

I am not old, by any means, but I do have a family to take care of. I cook, I clean, I fold laundry, I organize baby toys, and my own "toys" and hobby equipment. I make sure the calendar is up to date, and balance the budget, and make sure we take time for our family. I also eat healthy, and exercise, and watch my friend's children, in order to help her lead a healthy, active lifestyle. 

But, I also, love playing video games. And video games can be addictive. there are plenty of research studies that prove that. I've seen and heard of men and women who fly into rages at the loss of a game. There is a whole culture of gamers out there that thrive on the newest, the greatest, the classics, and the oldest games out there. Their love of games knows no bounds. And that is wonderful. our culture accepts these people into their fold with no problem, because our culture has room for another "sub-genre" of people in it. Yes, are these kids bullied, and yes, are these adults who love all things video game, comic book, graphic novel, manga made to feel belittled and ostracized sometimes? yes. But that is because, unfortunately, our culture also has room for arrogant, belittling, mean, bullies who were never taught kindness, love, or respect of another human being. 

I am here to say that this should not be the case. Everyone has seen the article and read the studies about how video games are evil and warp the minds of the young and eat up valuable money and time, blah blah, blah. 

I have not conducted my own personal study of this, so if that's what you are looking for, this isn't the place for you. 

I think that yes, video games CAN influence children, if they do not have other, positive influences in their life. I believe that our children should be slightly censored against video games. And I do believe that video games, if played incorrectly, can have a negative impact of a person's social life and bank account. 

Let's get into it. 

Do I think that children can be influenced by video games? yes. 100%. IF there isn't a good and well balanced support system in place to help nurture that child. If you were to lock a five year old into a room and let him play Grand Theft Auto (GTA) for instance, yes, he would probably start to mimic the things that he sees in this game. Because that's what a five year old will do! they are little human shaped sponges, waiting to suck up any and all information there is out there! And if you too him into a room where everything was set up, like in the video game, he would most likely go on kicking, punching, shooting, and destroying everything he sees. But, if this child's guardian then came into the room and told him to stop. He would. Why? Because children seek guidance. That is why he repeats what he sees in the game. he uses it as a learning tool. Which, it is not intended to be. Should a guardian tell him that stealing from people and kicking, punching, and causing chaos is wrong, this would simply start to shape his morals into what they will be when he is an adult. This is called teaching. 

By no means do I think that you should expose your child to violent games and such just to teach them right from wrong. What I do think, is that parents need to realize that when a child sees something that they deem bad, they need to not freak out and call a stop to it, but instead, use it as a teaching moment. 

That being said, I do think that parents need to be aware of what children are watching nowadays. Back when I was a child, most rated M games or rated R movies were boring. They were dark, and sometimes scary, and full of bad words that, because I knew they were bad, made me blush and shy away from them. Now, games like Saints Row and GTA are brightly colored and full of fun music, laughing, running around, and child like things such as teddy bears, bright "Hotwheels" type cars, and popular music. This draws children in, instead of making them shy away. And if you are actively playing the game, and enjoying shooting an old woman or humping a car until it breaks, then your child will believe that these things are socially acceptable and appropriate. If, while you are playing your game, you explain that it is make believe, and that the things in the game are inappropriate, your child will probably ask you why you are playing it and about 1,000 questions about the game and the actions in the game. Have fun explaining yourself. 

There are plenty of fantasy games out in the world that aren't as extreme as these two games I have previously mentioned, and obviously those are extreme cases. And by no means am I saying that these games are evil! if you like them, then play them! They are a great source of entertainment. They are not evil at all, they just might not be the most productive games to play around a child. 

I think that out of all this though, the biggest obstacle that gamers face is time. Getting sucked into a game is the easiest thing in the world. The plot draws us in, the mystery, the suspense, the terror, the feeling of triumph, all these things envelop us and pull us into a sweet embrace, lulling us to play the game for hours and hours. If you have the time and the inclination for that, they go for it. But for most people in the world, balancing video games and everything else in our lives is the most difficult challenge. there is so much to do in a day, and if video games are controlling 40% of your day, then you are stopped from being productive (when you need to be). 

I've had those days when I have had a list as long as my arm of stuff to get done, and instead I am in front of the TV, a litre of water between my legs and a controller in my hands. But I've also had those days where i have nothing else i need to do, and I can devote a couple hours to playing. And that, is honestly one of the best feelings. i get to sit back and enjoy the game, with no twinges of guilt and no consequences. I, obviously, have a little one to take care of, so I take frequent breaks and let her play in the load screens, and even let her play her own game if she's so inclined. She's two, so she becomes bored quite quickly and moves onto something else, so I can play my game for another half hour and take a break again. Or, my husband and I will take turns watching her while the other one plays. 

This is the most important example we need to set for our children. Content is parent regulated. If you think that your child is old enough to understand that stealing cars and killing people is bad, then that is your call 100%, but the time you devote to games should always be done in moderation. I devote one hour of my day to playing video games, sometimes less, sometimes none. I have a lot on my plate, and it brings me satisfaction to know that I have allocated my time properly and efficiently. 

If your child sees you doing ANYTHING for an extended period of time, then they will thing that this is how time is allotted. If you've ever been playing a game, but dinner is ready, and you call out "Five More Minutes", expect that the next time our child is playing, they will ask for more time. if you are reading, and you stay up all night reading this novel because you HAVE to finish it, expect that when your child is reading or playing, and you tell them lights out, they will be reluctant. Children imitate life. Especially the lives of their guardians. Everything in moderation. Reading exercise, video games, movies, TV shows, everything. If you truly want your child to live a healthy and balanced lifestyle, you need to emulate that for them. There is of course room for video games, TV shows, and movies in a healthy lifestyle. just because it's a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean you need to cut out all forms of entertainment. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter all drag us in once in a while. But setting a timer will allow you allocate your time wisely instead of spending all Saturday binge watching Orange is the New Black or the last season of Supernatural. 

Trust me, I have been there. But priorities and lifestyles change when you become a parent. Your life, immediately becomes an example for this child, whether you want it to or not. "Do as I say, not as I do," does not fly. If anything, it teaches your children to be hypocritical and mischievous, instead of honest and adventurous. 

Obviously, this is only my opinion. I don't have all the figures and numbers to back myself up, but I'm sure the Internet is full of educational material about video games affecting children. Go explore the depths of the Internet to either smash my opinion into the ground, or just go look for interesting games to play on your smart phones. 

Just makes sure that you set a timer. 

Warm wishes,